A study in the Life of RonCu

A paradigm is defined as something that serves as a pattern or model.

People get so used to the patterns that govern the way they go about their lives that when there is a shift in such patterns, confusion and frustration permeates.

We tell ourselves that this is the way life is, that changes eventually do happen, no matter how permanent such patterns cling to our existence.

We curl up in bed and and we lull ourselves with the illusion that things will eventually get better (and of course they most often do) … yet we continue questioning the motives and factors that bring about such changes … always, always asking why.

I believe, no matter how cliche it may sound, that when God opens a door, somewhere he opens a window. Things happen. Accept it. Along with that acceptance is the realization that a paradigm shift should not be viewed as a disaster all to itself, but as an opportunity to appreciate the other aspects of our lives … and as an opportunity to grow.

This however should not be an excuse to totally turn your back on the things that once were. You are, after all, an amalgamation of your life experiences.

Which is why I am thankful for everything that has happened, good and bad, since I’ve become better … a better son, a better brother … and a better friend to the people I cherish the most.

Salamat, Jo’. Salamat. For everything.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride
I love you because I know no other way than this
So close, that your hand on my chest is my hand
So close that when you close your eyes … I fall asleep …
- For J.

(no matter what happens, I’ll always be there)

I read a blog entry from one of my friends … “scArrEd fOr LifE” … and it was good. Good in the sense that I could relate to it, not as similarly, but in the fact that people sacrifice a lot for the sake of love, to the point that they lose themselves permanently in the process, thus the “scar” even after having moved on.

The essence of such a scar is once you do decide to reclaim your life, the new zest to live that comes with it is … exhilarating.

In my case, I got used to living a certain way for so many years … then some series of events happen, and I realize I had missed out on a lot of things.
All along I had mistaken complacency for contentment, and this has made me grow old prematurely.

Right now I have a new drive to experience life again. Growing up and maturing doesn’t mean that I can’t have fun
People have already noticed some changes.
This is just the start.
Time to crank up the juice and push this change to high gear.

Here is one of my favorite pacham recipes (pacham: pa-chamba).
I just cooked this for dinner earlier. As usual, it was a success! (for me, at least)

- Shrimp Sauteed with Onions and String Beans in Ginger & Garlic Sauce -

Ingredients:
1/2 kilo shrimp, whiskers cut-off
30 long strands of string beans, cut into 1-inch strips
3 cloves of garlic, minced
3 small red onions, cut into thin strips
2 thumb-sized portions of ginger, minced
2 tablespoons of oil
3/4 cup of chicken stock
several spurts of chinese spicy sesame seed oil (optional)
1 spoon flour, dissolved in 1 small bowl of cold water

1. Pour 1 tablespoon of oil into a skillet on high heat. Wait for about 15-20 seconds, turn the heat to low then stir in the minced garlic.

2. Wait for another 10 seconds, toss in onions and 1 thumb-sized portion of minced ginger. If you want it to be more spicy, place in 3-5 spurts of chinese sesame seed oil. Change to medium heat and let it simmer for about 20-40 seconds or until garlic starts to become golden brown.

3. Place in the shrimp. Give the mixture a little stir, cover and simmer for 3 minutes in low heat or until shrimp turns orange.

4. While waiting for the shrimp to cook, pour in 1 tablespoon of oil in another skillet on high heat. Make sure this skillet is bigger than the skillet used to cook the shrimp. Wait for 15-20 seconds, turn the heat to low then pour in 1 thumb-sized portion of minced ginger. Sautee quickly (about 10-15 seconds), pour in the chicken stock then bring to a boil under high heat.

5. Once chicken stock starts to boil, transfer contents of the other skillet into this skillet and add the string beans. Again, if you want it to be more spicy, place in 3-5 spurts of chinese sesame seed oil. Cover for 2-3 minutes to allow the flavor of the spices to seep into the shrimp and string beans. Maintain the high heat.

6. Remove the cover and continue simmering. Be sure to do a “crunch test” of your string beans to see if you’ve reached the desired texture. Also, be conscious of the chicken broth. More sauce means less sautee time.

7. When you’ve feel you’ve reached the desired “crunchiness” and amount of sauce left, stir in the flour-cold water mixture and stir (make sure the flour is completely dissolved in the water before pouring in) to thicken the sauce.

8. After 1 more minute of sauteeing, you’re done

This recipe makes around 3-5 servings.

Live-Love-EAAAATTTTT!!!!

P.S.
I use olive oil (REGULAR or LITE, NOT EXTRA VIRGIN) for sauteeing/frying.
Note that if the olive oil is VIRGIN or EXTRA VIRGIN, the flavor is more full-bodied and is enjoyed more in salads, soups or dips.
For cooking/sauteeing, REGULAR or LITE olive oil is better since it has a higher acidity level than VIRGIN olive oil and has a higher smoking point.
I know olive oil is bit pricier than your average cooking oils, but if you can afford it, why not try it? Olive oil protects your heart by removing LDL (low density lipoproteins) or ‘bad’ cholesterol from the blood without raising your total cholesterol level.
Anyway, if you still prefer to use a cheaper type of cooking oil, I recommend canola oil, which is also good for the heart.

I was pretty much pissed off last night when I reached the ERL train station on the way to work (I’m on night shift by the way).
 
There I was, walking as leisurely yet as fast as possible, trying my best to keep an even pace (read: a pace that would allow me to not sweat to much and get to the T4289 Cyberjaya bus as quickly as possible).
 
When I reached the “boarding” area, to my UN-surprise, the bus wasn’t there yet.
On this night, for some unknown reason, I was hot and bothered.
Leave it to the RapidKL drivers of bus T429 to spoil my trip to the office.
 
So I waited.
 
And waited.
 
And waited.
 
And waited.
 
… For you guys who know me that well, y’all know that I don’t like staying in a HOT humid place.
Being a Baguio boy, I try to “replicate” the Baguio atmosphere as much as I can.
In otherwords, airconditiong plays a big part in my orgasmic existence.
 
So … going back to my story, imagine me waiting and waiting for the bus to arrive in the departure area WITH NO RELIEF OF ARICONDITIONING.
 
Omigod. The torture, the torture.
 
I was cursing myself and wondering why I was sweating profusely.
 
I was thinking: what could possibly be the reason why I was sweating (or in Ate Vi’s immortal words: sweate-NING) more than I usually do (given that it was nighttime, there was no direct sunlight from our beloved SUN).
 
So for the lack of anything else to do, while waiting for the bus, I began to look for the tag that one usually finds at the side of ones shirt that indicates the shirt’s material.
I had to squirm a bit and expose some flesh like those Bench models, but I didn’t mind. To hell with what other people thought. I was so pissed off from the heat, I could have removed my shirt and displayed my beer belly for all I care.
 
Anyway, so I found the tag and it said: 50% cotton, 50% polyester.
AHA! Polyester! So that’s why it felt so hot!
 
Note to self: buy only 100% cotton shirts!
 
Now that one dilemma was solved (or removed from my consequential rantings), I focused my attention on the bus.
 
2 buses just came in. Praise the Lord Hallelujiah!
 
… then I found out. The T429 bus driver was going for a 20 minute break. And could we just wait for the other T429 bus? And what time will that bus be coming? Oh, within 20 minutes IZZIT?!?!?!?!?
 
AAAAIIIYOOOOOOOO!!!!!
 
With that, I had to go to the toilet and splash some cold water on my face. No use having a Miranda Priestly – like fit over a bus driver who just felt lazy and didn’t care if there was a bus-load of T429 patrons waiting for like, 30 minutes!!!!
 
… So I ended up paying 15 ringgit to take a cab to office.
 
And one of my new year’s resolutions was no more taking cabs to office. Go figure.

I wake wtth a cool breeze on my face, and I smile, thanking God for bringing me to Baguio again. Thank God for cold Baguio mornings.

Then suddenly it hits me:

I’m not in Baguio anymore.

I find myself sprawled on the bed, face down, with nothing but my boxers on.
My head feels like a ton of bricks. Did I drink too much beer last night? … Oh. I remember now. I think it was Sanjaya. Piece of crap should’ve been kicked out of American Idol ages ago …

I frantically look at the wallclock: 4:36.

Groan.

I was supposed to do some work last night … I was wondering how I ended up on the bed. All I could remember was … oooo … I think I was trying to do some work at 11 last night … and I woke up at 2 A.M. … realized that I fell asleep at the computer … owell …

I put on a shirt (damn! the aircon is soooo cold!) … about to walk out of my room … (water … need water) … then glance at my computer … i forgot to download Episode 22 of American Idol :p

So I open Xtorrent and pause the latest torrent (this 1GB file of February 26 2007 comics is taking FOREVER to download) and I key in the search term “american.idol” … (I really need some of that water) …

I finally go out of my room … (is it raining outside?) … something relaxing about going out barefoot and traipsing around the the house with the lights out at 4 in the morning hehehe … I go to the balcony and sit there for a couple of minutes … staring at the great unknown (great uknown being the swimming pool below, several buildings, a football field, a mall and a highway at my right) … I see the stars are out. that’s nice. a break from all the rainy weather we’ve been having the last couple of days. looks like it’s going to be sunny today … … (water. c’mon. please) …

I go to the kitchen. turn on the lights. wow! no dishes on the sink! … ah ok. I washed the dishes last night. after 4 days of leaving everything on the sink. go figure. hahahaha.

ice tea. got to have some ice tea before i start working … darn. no hot water … need..a.little.hot.water.to.melt.ice.tea.powder … I turn on the hot water jug … open the freezer … mmmm. ice cream … why not? …

so here i am, typing away at my computer, with half a bowl of ice cream (pistachio and chocolate chip and load of whipped cream on top) … about to go to work now … I have 2.5 hours to finish something … hot water’s probably ready … finally, some iced tea! … and maybe a slice of bread with cream cheese. yum.

sigh. sleepy, but have to work. repeat to oneself: work pays bills. work pays bills. work pays bills. work pays bills.

… yawn … this is my life, circa 2007, March 22.

hello world! good frickin’ morning!

RonCu

Today is the start of a new chapter in my life.
I call it “Winning Someone Back”.

When life gives you a chance to re-write your own history by giving you another chance to love again, then I say grab the bull by the horns and take the plunge.

I could end up empty handed.
I could turn into a nasty train wreck.
Hell, I could even give up on life altogether.

… But I’d like to think that the greater the risks you take, the greater the rewards.

So here I am, awake at 4 in the morning, with nary enough sleep and no food in my stomach for almost 24 hours now.
Just plain feeling bad about the latest installment in my life’s drama anthology, when I realized that I can turn things around.

It may take a lot of work (weeks or probably months) … but I understand now that God has given me another chance to win my love back.

This is no time to sit and mope.
I have to move.

Hello World! Here I come!

Funny I decided to update my blog now.
Just when I feel exhausted, my back aching from the long walk I had a while ago.

Hohum. I’ve been meaning to update my blog since last December.
Just lazy is all.

I hope you don’t mind the music playing in my profile.
I’ve been trying to change it since God knows when, but the stupid song is just plain stuck to my profile.
Dangnabbit.
I’m sick of listening to it. How am I going to get it down?!?!

… Owell. Back to work. It’s a long night ahead.

RonCu

i am nothing.

in a big universe, i am just a speck. less than even. smaller than an atom.

my insecurities, problems, trials, tribulations. no matter how gargantuan they are to me. are a nanosecond of a blip on the map of the forever.

there are days where i feel i don’t really matter. which i rightly should.

because life knows. and I know. and constantly remind myself.

how insignificant i really am.

whatever which way i twist and turn and scream at the top of my lungs in frustration, no one can hear me.

because

i am useless.

smaller than a speck of dust. less than even. smaller than an atom.

hopelessly floating here and there, going where the wind of change takes me.

I’ve had the privilege of loving a few people in my life.
And I’m honored these people have accepted me wholeheartedly during those special times we’ve shared.

I just received a text message this morning … from one of these special people.
The message was sent at around 7:44am.

When I read the message …. for some weird reason, I felt time stand still. And at that point I realized … I had to let this person go.

Have you ever had someone in your life who you felt would be a perfect fit for you, only to hold each other at arms length because life in its current circumstances tells you to do otherwise?

This is one of those people.

Friend.
During the short time we’ve known each other, you’ve helped me look at life through rose-colored spectacles just when I had given up and resigned myself to the mundane nothingness of my day-to-day routine. For the first time in years, I feel I have a new lease in life. You jump-started it all, and I thank you so much for that.

Though it pains me to let you go, know that you will always be in my heart.
And that I will always be here as one of your best friends, as promised.

I give you the song playing in my profile right now. To show you my support and to send you off in this new chapter in your life.

I wish you both the best.

Thanks again,

Ron